november

november of 2019 is in the books guys!!

what a month it was! I am starting to wrap up my time in college station and its been such a special time to look back at the past four and half years in this little town and realize the impact it has had on me.

I think that one of the things I originally struggled with coming home from my freshman year of college was that all my friends in high school had gone through the normal "big changes" everyone associates with that first year of school. They all seemed so much brighter and that they had a better idea of the person they were, and the person they wanted to become. I felt like I was doing something wrong because I still felt like the same old me.

Although I was a little upset, I still wasn't all that surprised. I felt like I had to grow up a lot faster than many of my other friends and dealt with a lot of struggles I felt other people my age didn't have go through, and always felt as though I was older then I was.

I got used to the idea that the big life altering changes people experiences during college maybe just weren't going to happen for me. That maybe I had already grown into the person I was going to be, but now looking back at the past four years I can say that thankfully was not the case.

I have grown and changed and learned SO MUCH since I was that little freshman girl who walked onto campus four and a half years ago.

I feel stronger.

I know that im super introverted. AND I like that about me.

I feel more sure of the person I am.

I know that a good face mask makes my day x 100 better.

I know that on days when I need a good movie cry safe haven is always on Prime.

I know how important it is to allow your self to feel what you feel.

I have learned that heartache looks different on everyone.

I have seen what true strength looks like.

I have begun trying to be stronger myself.

I have learned that someone else success doesn't mean my failure.

I have learned that not everyone is going to like me.

I am working on being okay with that.

I have learned that there is a difference between being kind and being a door mat.

I am working on NOT being a door mat.

I have felt the ache of watching the humans I love lose someone close to them.

I have had my heart shattered from losing someone myself.

I have learned how important it is to ask for help.

I have seen my life change from doing just that.

I heard people say some not so nice things about me.

I have learned to kill em with kindness anyway.

I know that the people who love me would never believe those things anyway.

I know that I am not perfect.

I know that no one else is perfect either.

I have learned that forgiveness is hard.

I know that forgivingness is necessary.

I have learned that late night talks with friends are always more memorable than late nights out.

I know that although I may still turn bright red I could give a speech infront of 300 people if need be.

I know that taking care of yourself is MUST if you want to take care of others.

I know that standing up for others can be hard and standing up for yourself is even harder.

I know that I have a really big heart for the people around me, and that sometimes that makes life feel very hard but that its also what makes me me.

I'm so much different from the person I was and I owe it all to the people that have walked, carried, driven, pushed, ran, sat, cried, and laughed with me throughout the past 4.5 years. Without you guys I wouldn't have become the me I am now, the me who is running towards the me I want to be.