march

I can't believe we are already done with March! I swear the months just go by faster and faster. Reading all the little joys from this month truly brings a smile to my face because it was so full of family and friends which means it was full of LOVE too!!

Looking back on 2019 so far I can see the growth that has occurred in my heart throughout these short 3 months, and I have to say most of it happened during March.

One of the biggest things I've realized this year is that I have a habit of pushing things to later. The problem is that a lot of times when I push things to later I never end up doing them. I was doing this so much with prayer and relationships and could feel the negative effect it was having on me, but didn't really know what to do about it. With lent approaching I was praying a lot about what I should do this year and really felt a call to give up those distractions that always managed to push the important things in my life to later.

So on March 6th I kissed music, non-christian books and Netflix goodbye until Easter. It has truly been crazy to see the difference it has had on me. I really hadn't even realized how much noise and useless gunk I was filling my head with until I stopped. One of the very first days of lent I was upstairs in my room and had finished all my homework for the week, done my devotional for the day, prayed a rosary and was just sitting there thinking to myself, "So, what on earth should I do now?". I ended up walking downstairs and having a really great talk with someone. I remember feeling so joyful because that conversation was able to happen because the distractions were FINALLY gone!

Replacing all the noise with life giving things had made me feel more peaceful, joyful and increased my ability to love the people around me better and I'm excited to keep it going after lent!

Another big point of growth in March centered around forgiveness. Forgiveness is always something that I've struggled with because I never felt like I was doing it right. I learned this month that that is one of the devils attacks when it comes to forgiveness. He usually comes from one of two ways: The first, and what I tend to struggle with more, is that because the wound still hurt sometimes that must mean we didn't forgive correctly. The second is that because we haven't healed completely we aren't ready to forgive. He doesn't have a practically hard job attacking either way and these thoughts that he pushes on us that we didn't forgive correctly or aren't ready to forgive at all can push people stop the process of forgiving completely. I've learned that forgiveness isn't often a one step process. I've learned that you truly have to forgive again and again. I've learned that feeling pain from a wound doesn't mean you haven't fully forgiven someone.

There is also this feeling surrounding forgiveness that if we forgive someone they're getting something from us. I think that is particularly true when we are forgiving someone without receiving an apology we think we deserve. Holding onto these grudges feels so necessary sometimes, but I promise that letting go will bring you peace in a way that holding onto that pain never will.

This next month I'm hoping to work towards forgiveness praying again and again "Jesus grant me the grace to forgive"

Prayers everyones April is full of little joys, growth and forgiveness !!

-- Sarah