february

wow wow wow two months in and 2019 is already off to a pretty good start. February was a month full of quiet little joys and lots of growth.

I really love these little calendars because they offer me the opportunity to really reflect on the things I've learned over the last 28 days. Its truly incredible how much growth can occur in such a small amount of time.

February offered a lot of opportunity for quiet self reflection which led me to some bigger realizations of my faith life. I started spiritual direction again this semester and have talked a lot about how I have a yearning to have a deeper relationship with Christ, but can't seem to allow myself to grow past a certain point. I started reading the book Be Healed this month which has been a really useful tool to help we work through this block.

If you've never read the book or learned about spiritual wounds they are essentially the root of what leads us to sin which in turn can separate us from a deeper relationship with the Lord. Through reading this book I've come to understand that one of my bigger inner wounds is abandonment and this wound has caused me to make inner vows which have altered how I treat the people around me, and even more so how I approach my relationship with Christ.

Throughout my life I've lost a lot of people who were very close to me, and it has truly shaped the person I've become in both good and bad ways. One of the biggest effects that these losses have had on me is this inner wound of abandonment. This wound has caused me to make an inner vow of only allowing a certain amount of people close to me. Even when I do let people in I tend to keep them at a distance or only allow myself to give small pieces of myself to them so if I end up losing them to it won't hurt as bad as it has in the past.

Realizing this has been pretty eye opening for me and I've really been noticing how this issue has bled into my faith life as well. I can see how even when my heart wants to know the Lord more and more I almost subconsciously stop myself when I think I'm getting to close. Which is truly crazy because He already knows me and my heart even better than I do, but I am continuing to hide pieces of myself for the Creator who loves me unconditionally.

This next month I'm hoping to work towards breaking down this wall more both in my relationship with Christ, but also with everyone else in my life.

Prayer everyones March is full of little joys!!

-- Sarah